Individual

Sorry for not posting more often. I've been a little busy, and inspiration has eluded me.

Until now, that is.

I lay here in the comfortable bed in the guest room of my grandparents house at approximately 1 o'clock in the morning and think to myself how thankful I am on this Holiday for the friends, family, and many material blessings that God has decided to give me. He is unfailing in His mercy, and I realize that I need to be more grateful towards Him daily.

However, thankfulness for God's mercy and blessing is not the key point of this entry, although you thought it was going to be.

For I also realize that this year will be the last year I travel with my family to wherever we decide to meet for Thanksgiving, and next year will be the first that I will drive myself home from whatever university God sends me to. I know that I'm going to miss being with my family all the time, and only seeing them in short spurts like weekends and holidays could prove to be quite difficult.

However, the importance of family and homesickness are not the key points of this entry either, although darn it if we're not getting warmer.

Because, through weird thought processes that can only occur at times like 1:20 a.m., I ALSO realize as I lay here that I'm LEAVING the town in which I now live to go to college in about 8-9 months.

LEAVING the town in which I've spent about 9 years living.

LEAVING the friends with which I have been building relationships for 9 years.

LEAVING my family which I've lived with for 18 years.

Just dropping everything I've known for years, off to discover a new world and start new relationships.

And these thought processes have brought me to these questions:

How are people going to remember me when I leave this place?

When all my friends see my face in the yearbook or old pictures, what will be the first thought that pops into their head?

Who am I going to BE when May rolls around the corner?

Who am I right NOW?

And these questions are all very pressing to me, because May IS just around the corner, the end of my time here is nearing (as depressing as it sounds to say it), and...

I just don't necessarily want to be remembered just as I am right now.

Not that I'm a BAD person by any means, but by taking a step back and looking at who I am now, I can see that there are things that I can improve on. I need to stop cursing, I need to get some things right with both God and some friends in my life, and I need to rediscover who I am and who I want to be.

It is always important (in my opinion) to do routine checks on yourself and ask questions similar to those that I have been asking myself, no matter what point in your life you may be at. If you don't, you start to lose your perception on who you are by letting yourself "go with the flow" a little too often, letting your values, beliefs, and individuality run together with those of the people around you.

Even if you don't care what other people think about you or what kind of person others perceive you as (which, to me, is kind of silly, because deep down, everyone does), ask these questions for the sake of yourSELF. Give yourself a sense of peace and pride by making absolute SURE you are every inch the person you want you to be.

This self-evaluation is especially imperative if you are at a serious turning point in your life, as I am. Like I said, I'm turning over an entire new leaf come May, and I want to #1) have the confidence that I lived my time in high school in a way that is both memorable and admirable, and #2) be sure that I'm solid and confident in who I am so I won't get swept away by the college tide.

Ours is a generation that professes to be full of "individuality" and "uniqueness," but this confuses me, because we don't do these self-checks near as often as we should be. After all, how can you be an "individual" if you completely lose sight of who that individual is?

until next time.

"What's wrong with the world, mama?"

When I get "blogger's block," I've found that a large bit of inspiration can come from watching all the things that go on in high school. High school offers a MILLION discussion topics, some of which really should be left to the professionals. But one observation has been sticking out like a sore thumb:

It seems that a lot of people are just getting SICK of each other.

These past few weeks have been full of a good number of people bickering, gossiping, shooting dirty looks, "he said that you said that she told her that blah blah blah..." and I'M getting about sick of it.

It's about ridiculous things, too. . .

"I don't know why she gave me that dirty look, and though there is a strong probability that she was only squinting in the sun when she happened to glance at me, I am going to assume that she hates me, and I'm going to Facebook about it and tell all my friends how ridiculous her wardrobe looks and how she probably sleeps with the whole football team."

"Man, this dude in my girlfriend's Biology class keeps talking to her, and even though he's probably just being friendly, I'm going to allow my insecurities about my relationship get the best of me, get ridiculously jealous, and tell HER to tell HIM to step off before I get in his face and act like I'm going to beat him to a bloody pulp."

(or, for you ladies...)

"I can't believe he decided to go to hang out with the guys instead of hanging out with me on our 3-month, 24th-day, 5-hour anniversary! I know deep down that my insecurities about my relationship could one day break it apart, but I'm still going to harass and nag him about my attention needs until he feels obliged to cancel his life for me."

ugh. BLECH. hack. As ridiculous as that stuff sounds, similar and no-less-exaggerated situations happen every day in our high school. Some of you are involved in it, however subconciously. Does it disgust you to see the pure nonsense of it all? It should. Do you grow uneasy as you realize that, to some degree, YOU might be one of the ones that get all worked up over nothing? You should.

We seem to revel in all this crud that can be summed up in one very overused word: drama.

It seems that one of our goals as seniors, or ANY high school grade really, would be to do everything in our power to stop this hormone-driven craziness that's been going on since about 7th grade. If we don't, harmless words will turn into knives and start tearing at bonds and friendships that have been around far too long to be destroyed by petty things.
And believe it or not, in the extreme cases, deep depression and even suicide can result.

So what can we do? We can think about the things that we do daily that fit in the "drama" category. We can think about the way we talk to people, the conversations we participate in, and how often we let your emotions take control of your actions. We can't let our minds get consumed in the hormones. While I realize that there are sometimes that you just absolutely can't avoid being sucked into some situations to a certain extent, there ARE mature ways that we can deal with it without spreading the fire. Once we all start to figure those things out, we might all start being friends again.

If I've offended anyone, I humbly apologize, its nothing personal, but I'm going to repectfully say that perhaps you needed to be offended.

Until next time, take it easy folks.

-jake

Day -1 of senior year: the beginning

Hello. My name is jake. I am a senior in high school, and this is my blog.

I was brushing my teeth one evening earlier this weekend and looking at myself in the mirror. I usually do some high-quality thinking when I brush my teeth in front of the mirror. Its a time where all the distractions of the day are drowned out by the sound of the bristles on my toothbrush scrubbing against my braced teeth, and all I can hear are my own thoughts, and all i can see is myself.

This particular day, two thoughts formed in my mind:

#1: I could stand to do more sit-ups (I had no shirt on).

#2: My senior year starts a couple of days from now, and I have no clue what the future holds.

The last thought hung in my mind all night, keeping me awake for longer than i cared for. It came with a million questions. What kind of changes are in store for me? What messes am I going to get myself into this year? What kind of a person am I going to be remembered as after I'm done with high school? What will happen to all the relationships I have now when I'm gone? What kind of crazy things and situations will be put before me this year? Yadda yadda yadda.

So I determined that night that getting a blog to document and reflect on the happenings that occur this year would be a good idea.

This is for me to have an outlet for my thoughts, and for past, present, and even future high school seniors that may have had or have some of the questions that I will undoubtedly have this year.

Always feel free to comment or e-mail me at jakehall2010@gmail.com. Especially for you 2010 folks that would like to see something addressed/discussed here :)

Housekeeping stuff aside, the first day of school is tomorrow, and its bound to be a doozie.
I will update as often as I can.

until then, keep it real.